


Right to Privacy

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 14:16:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6119023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Fin argue about what kind of information is acceptable to give out when trying to contact a big company, while on the phone with said company.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right to Privacy

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [sidewinder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder) for letting me use her phrase "Munch Conspiracy Hour".

Fin banged the humidifier again. It hadn’t been cheap but the air was dry as fuck during the winter in New York, especially with the heater on. “It’s not working,” he said to John.

“So let’s get a new one,” John answered, not looking up from his paper.

“No way,” Fin answered. “Shit’s got 3 year warranty; I’m calling them.”

John gave him a disbelieving look. “They’re going to collect all our info and that’s going to last forever in their systems and we’re going to get calls and mailings from them forever. Never mind that a company that shouldn’t have our information forever _will_ have it. Fin, let’s just get a different humidifier.”

“ _John_. We paid _money_ for this one. We’re _not_ buying a new one when this one’s got a warranty. I’m calling them.”

John muttered under his breath about how easy it was to collect information about anyone when you put it like that.

Fin ignored him, as he usually did when Munch Conspiracy Hour started, and dialed the customer service support line. John motioned for him to put it on speaker, and Fin, _very_ reluctantly, did.

“Thank you for calling customer service, my name is Jessica, can I get your first and last name please?”

John spoke up immediately. “See what I mean? They only give you their _first_ name but they want your _full_ name!”

“Odafin Tutuola,” Fin said, ignoring John. “Do you need me to spell that?”

“Yes, please,” Jessica said.

Fin spelled it while John grumbled some more in frustration.

“And just so I can log this call, can I get your address?”

“Fin, _NO_!” John said immediately. “There is _no reason_ to give them that kind of information. They probably already have our phone number from caller ID, giving them our address means an endless amount of junk mail as they sell it to any company because once we give it out, we have no right to privacy. _Don’t give it!_ ”

Fin sighed. “Do you sell it or mail things to us?” he asked.

“No, it’s purely to log you in the system so we can look you up if you call again,” she said.

“ _Don’t believe her!_ ” John cried.

“I’m gonna hold off on that for now,” Fin said wearily, figuring it was not worth the argument – now, and potentially later – with his husband. “If we can do that.”

“That’s fine,” Jessica said. He heard tapping keys. “What can I help you with today?”

“Help,” John muttered under his breath sarcastically.

“Our humidifier isn’t working.” He described the problem to Jessica while glaring at John to _shut up_ so he could do this.

“Okay, sir, it definitely does sound like there’s something wrong with it. It is under warranty, and we can exchange it for a new one. I’m going to need your address now so we know where to send the new one.”

“Give me that phone,” John said, snatching it from Fin. “Hello!” he said irritably into it. “So you’re telling me you made a faulty product, you now need all our personal information – why don’t you collect blood type while you’re at it? I’m A positive, does that help? – so that you can give us one that’ll maybe work! Why can’t you make a product that _doesn’t_ require us to go through this bullshit?”

Fin rubbed his forehead. “John, give me that phone _right now_ ,” he demanded. “You know the person on the phone didn’t make the product, and you’re being unreasonable. You give out your address to your conspiracy mailings, anyway.”

“That’s different, those aren’t major corporations.”

“ _Phone_.”

John reluctantly handed it back to Fin. “I’m sorry for my husband,” Fin started. “He doesn’t trust … well, most things.”

“Fin, we’re not doing this.”

“Oh, for the love of God, yes, we are.”

Jessica finally spoke up. “Maybe you’d like to call back when you two have agreed whether you want the warranty?”

“We do,” Fin said firmly at the same time John said, “We don’t.” The two men glared at each other. Fin sighed. “Is there any way to delete our address once we get the new humidifier?”

“Uhhhh… I’ve never been asked that, but I doubt it.”

John threw up his hands. “ _See_?!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, John. What on _Earth_ do you think they’re going to do?”

“Who knows? That’s the point! Mindless sheep giving out every scrap of personal information they have to companies who do God knows what with it just because it gets them something free, nothing’s free! The price is our right to privacy in an increasingly deprivatized world, and I’m not going to stand for it! _How_ many people have we caught because they didn’t guard their information carefully?”

Fin sighed. Usually the two of them managed to agree on things, even with John’s deep seated paranoia, but he had the feeling the only way out of this was to acquiesce – or push ahead, and listen to John every single time a piece of junk mail or a telemarketer crossed their paths. “Fine, we’re not doing it, but you’re apologizing to her for being a nasty prick,” he said, handing the phone back to John. “Now.”

Grumbling some more, John took the phone and apologized, then hung up with a firm admonition not to sell even their phone number. Fin rubbed his temples and put his hands on his hips. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked of his husband.

“Hopefully stick with me until we die of old age,” John said, giving Fin a worried look.

Fin’s lips twitched. “I suppose I can manage that, you crazy old bastard.” He pulled John close reassuringly. 

John hooked a finger in Fin’s necklace and pulled him in for a kiss. “I know one way to get us less dry…” he said with a leer. “Old fashioned, too.”

Fin laughed. “Lead the way.”


End file.
